courtesy of: www.theage.com.au

The picture above is from that really lame movie Underworld, which was about vampires and werewolves and black leather and usage of steel manacles (see above), and you’d think there would have been lots of kinky sex and shit, but totally sexual tension free. Shame. It would have been awesome if it had been skanky like an Anita Blake novel. Would it have killed the producers if they showed us a tight, non-hairy, muscular, totally naked ass? Don’t werewolves like to wear assless chaps?

Anyway, I had an ex-boyfriend who kind of looked like Scott Speedman after a coke binge, if you squinted really hard and tilted your head to the side. But he talked too much (about ten times more than I do) and sometimes there was spittle and he had this annoying kind of nasally voice that used to grate on the nerve endings of my ears. I used to talk really loudly or turn up the radio whenever he started talking just so I could drown him out. Plus he didn’t know how to dress and wore this stupid hat all the time and he embarassed me every time we went out because he fucking talked too much and people would just stare at him, thinking, “why is that guy still talking?” WHY DID I DATE THAT GUY?

Anyway, Scott Speedman is so hot that he makes me want to abuse myself in ways that would embarass my mother should she find out about it, if you know what I mean and I think you do. He’s just so beautiful and blond… sure, he’s got chinky eyes (ha! so do I), a big schnozz, and his upper lip disappears when he smiles, but boy, is he ever pretty. He almost makes me want to go to the Comic-Con next Thursday to see him promote his new movie, but I attended the Con every year for the past fifteen years and even his Golden Hotness couldn’t get me to go back. I’m just done with the Con, dude.

Anyway, he’s so fine, I’d totally drink his Bathwater (but not when he gets into the bath looking all grungy like the picture up top, but I’d totally do it if he was all clean and smells nice like the picture below). Ha ha. I’m just joking. I AM, DAMN IT! Shut up.

P.S. I realize that the title of this post refers to an episode of Buffy where Cordelia sees Angel for the first time and says “Hello, salty goodness!” and Scott Speedman was actually on Felicity, which was another WB show. Shut up.

courtesy of: www.papermag.com

courtesy of: http://entimg.msn.com

courtesy of: http://www.felicitypage.com

courtesy of: http://www.index.hr

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 12th, 2005 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Studmuffins. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.