Your Ultimate Purity Score Is…
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin’	45% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	65%
Shamelessness	54.8% It takes a couple of drinks	79.2%
Sex Drive	39.5% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan’!	77.5%
Straightness	10.7% Knows the other body type like a map	44.4%
Gayness	91.1% Repressed, are we?	83.8%
Fucking Sick	88.5% Refreshingly normal	90.1%
You are 57.29% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

Hmm… I’m not as gay as I thought. Anyway, nothing to see here. Carry on!

According to this, this book might have dragon sex and I think that’s better than mermaid sex, but barely. Anyway, according to my mother, any woman who has a tattoo that anyone can see HAS to be a slut, but what does that say about me? I have five. Whatever, this cover is hot. This chick has a nice flat stomach (BITCH!) and the placement of the dragon tattoo is very hot. Also, it looks like she’s got a navel piercing. Double slut! Man, I hope that if this is a slut story, then the heroine is a real slut and not a faux slut ’cause that shit pisses me off. Also, I hope this is a chick and not a guy because umm… nice hips, dude.

How do dragons have sex, anyway? Mermaids have sex like dolphins, but aren’t dragons huge? If the dragon had sex with this itty-bitty little thing on the cover, I bet he’d crush her. Also, maybe the cover model is Gena Showalter herself. I hear she’s a hot piece of ass.

This cover is so hot that I just bought it off of Amazon. Man, if this book sucks, I’m gonna be so pissed. I hate covers that trick me.

Grade: B+

I recently reviewed a BDSM book where I complained that the supposed Dom wasn’t a true one and the supposed submissive was an arrogant cowboy type that the Dom couldn’t break because she was a spineless jellyfish who was a fake Dominatrix. Anyway, it just didn’t work for me. I wanted to read a story where the female Dom really does conquer the alpha male (I just got tired of reading about a supposedly “strong” female giving in to the alpha male) and Cruel to Be Kind by Stephanie Vaughan definitely does not disappoint. Whoo, son, the female in this book is the true alpha and the male, while not a complete sissy, is thoroughly conquered by her. And boy, are the results ever so hot.
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Whoa, do my eyes deceive me or does that cover model look like Audrey Hepburn? No, it really does. Obviously, the intention was to remind the reader of the truly awesome film Roman Holiday with Audrey and Gregory Peck and that’s kind of cheesy, but hey, it IS Harlequin, after all. I bet this one is about a free-spirited American girl who goes to Rome on vacation and there she meets two men: an ex-patriate playboy who wines her, dines her, and turns out to be a jerk, and a serious, kind of mean one who makes fun of her, calls her a “very foolish girl”, but turns out to be Prince Charming, and the story ends with her running away to America, but at the airport, he catches up to her, and asks her to marry him, and she says, “Oh, you silly man, of course I’ll marry you” and then they’ll kiss to the rising crescendo of Moon River or some shit like that. The guy on the bottom, is of course, the “serious” one, and the auburn-haired one up top is the “playboy”. Oh, Harlequin, could you make your storylines more obvious? No, really, could you?

“Pull of the Moon”, huh? Maybe he’ll turn into a werewolf and eat her. Look at this dude. He’s big and bulky and he looks like he gets furry once a month during a full moon. And ugh, I hate these pregnancy stories. She’s wearing a lab coat and a stethoscope around her neck, so my guess is she’s one of them ambitious, career-minded doctors who realizes one day that she’s got everything she’s ever wanted in life, but she’s got a big gaping hole in her heart, because the only thing missing is a bab–oh, forget it. Where did she pick up this caveman, anyway? He looks like a construction worker or something. Not that there’s anything wrong with construction workers or anything, but this dame doesn’t look like the type to go to bars where construction workers hang out and pick one up to be a sperm donor for her. Oh, maybe he’s a cop who was injured in the line of duty and she was the one who attended to him, but he’s all bitter and weird because he failed to protect his partner and now his partner is dead, but the doctor’s love heals his heart and they have one special night together. I bet you that’s it. Tell me I’m wrong (and if you’ve already read this book, don’t tell me. That’s cheating).