Oh. My. God. I totally know this guy. I think I went out with him a few years ago. He was a Navy Seal and at first, I wouldn’t go out with him ’cause he was in the military and I told myself that I would never date a military man on principle (my pa was in the Navy). He would send me flowers at school, at work, at home… it was nuts! He also called me at least five times a day and just happen to show up wherever I went. After a while, he began to wore me down, so I agreed to go out with him (after all, he was a Navy Seal and the sociopath in me thought, “Oh cool, a trained killer!”). Everything was fine for the first couple of months… I mean, he was really sweet and thoughtful, and remembered to tape (there was no TiVo back then. Fuck off!) my favorite shows when he knew I would miss it because I’d be in class… I mean, he was awesome.

But then there was the berserker rage. Every time we went out and some guy ventured a glance at me, he would slam that poor fucker against the wall and scream, “WERE YOU LOOKING AT MY WOMAN, YOU LITTLE PISS ANT? I CAN TEAR OFF YOUR HEAD WITH MY BARE HANDS AND SPIT DOWN YOUR NECK!” in his face. It was scary. I couldn’t take the psycho anywhere. It was funny (and frightening) how pissed off he would get in a traffic jam and once, I thought for sure that he would yank off the steering wheel and beat someone over the head with it (hopefully, not me). Long story short, I dumped him and he called me all sorts of nasty names and threatened to kill himself if I didn’t return to him, but I told him I would tell his commanding officer if he didn’t leave me alone. Eventually, he went to Germany or something and I haven’t heard from him since.

Huh. I mean, this guy on the cover is totally NOT him, but I get a little crazy sometimes when I see a military uniform and think it’s him. This guy looks more like Wash! I hope UPN or the Sci-Fi channel brings back Firefly.

Anyway, I know I’m babbling, but I just told you that long ass story, so I don’t have to talk about the GODDAMN TWINS that soldier boy up there is holding in his arms! Oh, Harlequin, you MANIPULATIVE bastard! You show some sucker holding babies, but you relegate the “woman in his life” to a tiny ass picture frame? Wait a minute… did he come back home from the war with his wife already pregnant? How long was he gone? Is it the mailman’s baby? Harlequin, is that what you’re trying to tell us? YOU SLY DOG!

Many thanks to the Delectable Amber for the cover!

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 at 8:05 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.