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American Sleazeball

Good lord, you guys, I think that’s Ryan Seacrest! There’s no mistaking that overly-gelled, frosted, spiky hair! He’s even got the tanorexic glow that Seacrest loves to sport. Yep, that’s him, alright. Aren’t they paying him enough on American Idol? Oh, wait, this is probably before that. Like when he was just a struggling actor in LA, taking acting classes, and looking at himself in the mirror saying “I’m meant for bigger and better things than cover modeling. I see myself… hosting a third rate American show, bantering with a middle aged British queen, and trying my best to look like I really care about the losers I send home even with my dead, dead eyes.” And you guys, if I’m not mistaken, the lady he’s holding in his arms is a very young Lynda Carter, who is Wonder Woman herself. Wonder Woman and that nancy boy, Ryan Seacrest… oh, you guys, that’s just not right. And you know, there’s no indication on this cover that it’s a Christmas book. Where are the sprigs of holly? And the mistletoe? And the little caption that says, “This year, she knows exactly what she wants under her Christmas tree…”?

Thanks to Amber for this cover!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 4th, 2006 at 7:45 am and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

4 Responses to “American Sleazeball”

  1. Katie
    Posted: May 4th, 2006 at 9:44 am
    1

    Well, now, that may be a poinsettia plant there behind her monitor, but I can’t tell. Though why is there a halo above King of Hearts?

    And I think if a hero in a book ever looked like Ryan Seacrest I’d probably throw up a little in my mouth.

  2. Bam
    Posted: May 4th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
    2

    that may be a poinsettia plant there behind her monitor

    Nice one, eagle-eye. Maybe there’s a halo over the King of Hearts because this is an angel story in the vein of Debbie Macomber.

    Man, I can’t stand Seacrest. He looks like a creepy, evil muppet. I have to change the channel every time I see him.

  3. Lili Saintcrow
    Posted: May 5th, 2006 at 2:46 pm
    3

    I got to “Seacrest” and sprayed my monitor with hot tea. He does look like an evil muppet.

    And I am thinking perhaps “Seacrest” is the name of the street he grew up on? Just a thought…

  4. Bam
    Posted: May 5th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
    4

    The street I grew up on was Jones Street. My first ever pet’s name was Smack.

    My porn name would be Smack Jones. That shit is depressing.

    The next time you’re watching American Idol, look into Seacrest’s eyes. There’s nobody home, man.

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