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Danse Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton

Grade: D+

I can say it. I can finally say it. I AM DONE WITH YOU, LAURELL K. HAMILTON! My friends told me that I was insane for sticking with you even after the literary abortion that was Narcissus in Chains, but good god, woman, I counted one hundred and twenty grammatical and typographical errors in the first ten chapters of this steaming pile of crap you dare call a book. Count ‘em. ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY. But that’s not all. You also managed to use the word ardeur fifteen times on one page. That’s right. Fifteen. In fact, I can count on my ten fingers the number of pages of this book that didn’t have the word “ardeur” on it. Why can’t we just call a duck a duck, huh? Anita is a slut-bag-whore true and true and I’m okay with that. I lurve slut-bag-whores, especially the ones who admit it to themselves. We don’t need this stinkin’ ardeur to complicate things. It just sounds like Eric Benet trying to tell Halle Berry that he’s a “sex addict”. You don’t gotta justify Anita wanting to have sex with all of Missouri. As if that’s not enough, Anita finds out that she’s also pregnant (come on now, at the rate she’s going, I’m surprised she hasn’t already metaphysically shat out five kids in the last six months). Oh, and she’s now a lioness, too. And a succubus. And this time, a whole bus load of people actually come to see her and beg to fuck her. And I can’t tell you how many times I threw this book against the wall. There are DENTS, people, actual dents on the wall now. Why did I keep picking it up again? ‘Cause I’m a masochist, alright? Why do you think I created this site?My buddy Karen Scott says, “That’s what you said about Micah’s story, honey. Give it up and admit it, you love LKH like a fat kid loves cake.” Shut up, Karen. Don’t look at me like you think I need Intervention. Why don’t you lock yourself up in a room with your MJD books and quit judging me? ;)

This fourteenth installment of the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter finds Anita Blake on a quest to hunt even more vampires… for some hot and heavy fizznuckin’. A vampire ballet troupe visits St. Louis, the territory of Anita’s vampire master, Jean Claude, and with it come a handful of vampire masters and their entourage eager to see the ballet as well Jean Claude’s slutty little pet. One Master of the City in particular, who is addicted to the ardeur, wants to watch Anita in action and witness for himself if Anita is really as powerful as he has heard she is. Another Master of the City, who is married to a mermaid (no, really), believes Anita may possess the powers of a siren and be able to awaken the powers of their teenage sons through sexin’ (no, I’m not kidding). As if that’s not enough, it is revealed that Anita’s attraction to Nathaniel and Micah, her live-in lovers, and their abject adoration of her, may be the result of Anita’s ever growing vampire powers, instead of actual real love. On top of that, Richard, Anita’s former werewolf lover, has become obtuse to the point of mental retardation, and Asher, the vampire lover that Anita shares with Jean Claude, has been pitching fits because he’s been feeling neglected. And oh, Anita just might be pregnant. Who is the father? If you can answer that, maybe you can also answer who really shot John F. Kennedy on that fateful day.

I really miss the Anita Blake stories of yore. The reason I started reading them was because the earlier stories featured a paranormal detective investigating heavy-on-the-gore crimes and solving them with her intuitive skills as well as her preternatural abilities. There was an actual plot line in them that a reader could easily follow. There was a discernible beginning, middle, and end. I enjoyed that Anita was this tough girl who wasn’t afraid to use her gun on monsters and could hang with the big boys. In the later novels, Anita is still hanging with the big boys, but she’s not shooting them anymore… she’s having sex with them. It’s almost ironic, really, because in the earlier novels, I wished that Anita would just loosen up a little and have some sex with Jean Claude AND Richard (but even then I was getting tired of the Betty and Veronica Syndrome that permeated that threesome), but now that she’s having sex with every preternatural creature with a penis, I wish that there was a button I could push and turn back everything to the way it was. About eighty-five percent of this book happens in Jean Claude’s bedroom where Anita and her friends–about ten to fifteen of them at a time–have metaphysical sex, have real sex, talk about how great and beautiful Anita is, have the most awkward info-dumping sessions that would shame even a beginner fan fic writer, and have more sex to feed Anita’s ardeur. Anita Blake has now surpassed the Mary Sue complex; she has swallowed it whole, shat it on the ground, and used it as fertilizer for her marygolds.

One of the things that really, really bothered me the most about this book is the character assasination of Ronnie, Anita’s human best friend. Ronnie was Anita’s jogging buddy, confidant, and all around sidekick. I liked Ronnie. Ronnie used to be Anita’s link to humanity, the person who kept her grounded when she got too involved with the metaphysical shit, but now Ronnie only serves as the bitter, jealous, catty, and judgmental hag who berates Anita for the kind of life she lives. Ronnie really represents the people who “just don’t understand” the lifestyle that Anita lives and judges her without really knowing nothing about it. As it turns out, Ronnie is just jealous. That opening scene where Ronnie and Anita are talking about Anita’s potential pregnancy, which devolves into Ronnie crying about being jealous of Anita having sex with all these gorgeous men was just real ugly. It is immature and villifies Ronnie for no reason except it is obvious that LKH just no longer knew how to deal with this character. Why not just completely forget about her like she never existed in the way of Larry Kirkland, Edward, Jason, the female wereleopards, the other female characters, Animators Inc, and oh! Anita’s zombie raising job. What happened to them, anyway? WHO CARES! Every single one of them has fallen victim to the “what am I going to do with this character now” syndrome. I don’t understand why LKH keeps adding on more and more characters to Anita’s Stable of Manwhores when she has no idea what to do with the other characters of the series. There are so many people in this goddamn book and so many of them in a scene at one time that often they are just left to stand around with nothing to do or say, so when they finally do something or speak up, I just kind of had to stop and think, “Whoa… you’re still here? I thought you walked out of the scene pages ago.”

LKH’s awful treatment of Ronnie is also visited upon Richard Zimmerman, Anita’s former werewolf lover. Richard, who would do anything to become human, comes after Anita for irresponsibly sleeping with a hundred different men and who I’m sure was meant to be a sanctimonious asshole who “just don’t understand”, actually comes off as a pretty sympathetic character here. He castigates Anita for not wanting a normal life with him, berates her for not dumping her monster friends for him, but you know what? Maybe homeboy has a point. Anita used to be this girl who wouldn’t even allow some petting on the second date and now she’s fucking the entire monster population of St. Louis? Without making her lovers wear a condom? I know I was supposed to be shaking my head at Richard and thinking “How dare you for being small-minded and not understanding that this is how Anita is!” but I just found myself wanting to give him a hug because he truly doesn’t understand what the hell is going on. I used to get pissed at Richard for being such a whiny little bitch, but this time around, I actually wanted to sit down with him in a corner, hold his hand, and tell him that everything is going to be okay and that he doesn’t need Anita Blake. How fucked up is that?

But my biggest beef in all of this is how boring and monotonous it has all become. This fourteenth installment of the Anita Blake series has just become a travesty of the earlier books. It has no plot, no character development, and every scene is centered on everyone telling Anita how great and powerful she is. I’m not joking. EVERY SCENE. All the males fawn and coo over Anita and want to have sex with her. With the exception of the wererat doctor Lilian and Claudia, Anita’s bodyguard, every single female is written as a vindictive, bitter, jealous bitch who “just don’t understand” Anita. Not one female character, with the exception I had previously mentioned, is remotely sympathetic or likeable. Every scene with another female in it has the female attacking Anita and her army of adoring males coming to her defense. It is really sick-making. Now I don’t know how the author, Laurell K. Hamilton, lives her life, but I just couldn’t separate her image from the character of Anita Blake in my head. The book’s dedication to her husband Jon may have something to do with it and colored my perception of the rest of the book, but I doubt it. Anyway, it says:

To Jonathon, who comforts me while I weep; who holds me close while I scream; who understands why I rage. Because he knows how to weep, understands that pleasure can come in a scream, and has his own rage to battle. They say opposites attract, but not for me.

I don’t know, for me, that just sounds a little too much like her description of Anita’s relationship with Nathaniel and Micah. Maybe that’s why the rest of the book sounded like Laurell K. Hamilton defending her lifestyle to her detractors. I mean, her soapbox-like rants literally color every page of this book. It’s like she’s saying “y’all just jealous” and she doesn’t seem to particularly like other women. I guess this means that we won’t be seeing Anita doing it with females any time soon (though she comes pretty close in this one, surprisingly enough). Since this book is guaranteed to be a best seller–eye roll–maybe LKH can use the money for some therapy. Seriously.

On a side note, Nathaniel seems to be growing as a character. I’m be interested in finding out what LKH intends to do with him, so it’s really too bad that I won’t be reading any more Anita Blake books after this one. Unless I get them for free.

Oh, and before I forget, you know what else really bothered me about this book? The constant repetition of certain phrases, most specifically “Richard can’t accept that I’m a bigger monster than he is” which LKH probably has a macro for by now. It’s just little things like that which began to wear on me after a hundred pages. Every time I came across a phrase that is similar in wording to something that I read just a few pages ago, I just couldn’t help but grit my teeth. In the grand scheme of things, it makes sense because we are reading this book from the point of view of one person, but it just makes it seem monotonous and repetitive. LKH is also very simplistic in describing some of the emotions expressed in this book; the characters are either “happy” or “unhappy”. Somebody get this lady a thesaurus!

So is Anita pregnant? Like I’m going to tell you guys. I want you to suffer like I suffered. I mean, I can’t believe I spent $17.99 plus tax and shipping & handling for this thing. I’m a bloody student with limited funds! If anyone wants to buy it from me, let me know, alright? You may not want to read it after reading this review, but dear God, just somebody take this off of my hands because every time I see it on my desk, I die a little bit inside. I’ve just had it with Anita Blake (and it only took 14 books to do it!) and am ready to write off Laurell K. Hamilton as an author. She won’t get a single red cent from me anymore, uh-uh. We’re done. Oh, and I realize that it was not very well done of me to get personal in this review, but when the author seems to be rubbing her personal life on the noses of her readers, doesn’t it become our duty to call her out on it? I don’t know, maybe I was reading too much into it. Anyway, read this book only if you’re truly a fan of the series or if you have a masochistic streak a mile long. Like me.

P.S. To make myself feel better, I dragged Tim to watch Superman Returns with me. It helped. A lot. And now, even though there are rumors that Brandon Routh likes to play slap-tickle with other boys, I still want to have lots of sex with him. Ridiculous amounts of sex. In unnatural positions. Lots. I mean CRAZY lots. He can even bring friends, if he wants. The end.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 28th, 2006 at 7:30 pm and is filed under Books, Grade: D, Sci-Fi/Fantasy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

57 Responses to “Danse Macabre by Laurell K. Hamilton”

  1. Keira Ramsay
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 7:41 am
    1

    Ahem — yeah, I gave up after Blue Moon, to be honest. Kim Harrison and Carrie Vaughn have filled the void quite nicely, thank you very much!

    The sucky part is…I already had pre-bought everything through Narcissus in Chains, so they’re sitting in my TBR pile, because I’m too scared to give them away to someone and then have them put a hit out on me!!

    Terri/Keira

  2. Rae Morgan
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 7:46 am
    2

    I totally am on the same page as Terri/Keira. I stopped after the fifth in the series (whatever in the hell book that was) — and I, too, had bought them ahead.

    Finally, someone has the guts to say it out loud (so-to-speak).

    Thank you, Bam!

  3. LSB Author, Darragha Foster
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 8:10 am
    3

    This is scary. I think it means Bam’s review of Kashie is next.

    And Kashie is a man-whore.

    Be gentle with me, Bam.

    Darragha :)

  4. Bonnie Dee
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 8:26 am
    4

    Well, I’ve got you all beat. I took a Hamilton book out of the library once. An early one, I’m not sure which, and I didn’t finish it.

    At the time I was a die-hard Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan and reading the GOOD fanfic voraciously. I thought I’d love Anita Blake, but after half a book she still hadn’t caught my attention.
    Bu-bye and back to fanfic. I repeat, the GOOD fanfic. When I could have massive doses of quality Buffy and Spike with some serious explorations of psychology and philosphy mixed in, what else did I need?

  5. Stella
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 9:43 am
    5

    ok… i started reading LKH cuz the story and the plot was good. and i was fiending for some sorta sex for a long time there but when it took a turn for the worst and just turned into “how many people can Anita have sex with in one chapter” crap i starting throwing the books too. My sister and I LOVE Edward, and we are damn scared to see what the hell shes going to do with him next, if she ever gets around to it. HE, HE was a character, micah makes me consitpated. he seriously does.

    Now dont get me wrong, I like the Merry series. Reason? at least you know what your getting into. this turned into crap, and Bam, i agree with you whole heartedly. somone should just leave the slut in a bedroom and put the turnstyle in….

    Stella

  6. Ames
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 9:50 am
    6

    I believe LKH should have stopped writing this series after Obsidian Butterfly. I know I should have stopped reading them after that. The devil compels me to keep reading these awful typographical error-ridden flea bags masquerading as books. Those errors bother me, but I could look past them if the writing was any good. Which it isn’t. So why do I keep torturing myself?

    How many times did she use the word spill BTW?

  7. Kimberly
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 10:09 am
    7

    WOW…ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY errors. Eff me sideways. That is horrible. Does this broad not have an editor? Sheesh.

  8. Devon
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 10:17 am
    8

    I’ve never liked Anita Blake. I thought she was a self-righteous asshole, and I loathed the whole ardeur thing. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Anita gets to be a total slut, yet still self-righteous and judgmental of others! Yay! Plus the sex scenes are endless, but endlessly boring. Plus, Nathaniel and her whole take on the whole submissive/dominant thing. Oy, there’s so much, don’t get me started. For some reason I still check them out of the library.

    Anyhow, before I got off on a tangent, what I was going to say was that I was at Borders yesterday, picking up Crazy Love when I noticed that there was a new one. I didn’t even realize it was coming out. I read the flap, read the last couple of pages, and was like, no way, not even from the library, I’ll wait for Bam to review. And here you go. Please include lots of details so I don’t get tempted to read it for myself.

  9. Karen Scott
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 11:10 am
    9

    That’s what you said about Micah’s story honey. Give it up and admit it, you love LKH like a fat kid loves cake. *g*

  10. lady t
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 12:10 pm
    10

    I know LKH is bad for me but your review is getting me interested in this damn book! I was going to resist getting it(I have the new Kim Harrison title on it’s way to me and the new Julie Kenner book,California Demon is already on my current reading pile)but your review is so tempting.

    And what is with the “be to continued”? Cliffhangers are evvilll!!!!!!:)

  11. Nonny
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 12:18 pm
    11

    *shakes head*

    I used to be a major fan of the series till Narcissus … I didn’t manage to make it through Cerulean and didn’t bother with the book after that. Frankly, I’m disgusted with how she’s been treating the characters. I’m all for sexy novels, but this isn’t erotica, it’s porn. (And badly written porn at that.) At least Merry’s sex twines into the plot. This? Far as I’m concerned, she’s raped her characters up the ass sideways with a tabasco-coated cactus.

    And I hafta talk my fiance out of buying the travesty. *sigh*

  12. dancechica
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 1:15 pm
    12

    How many times did she use the word spill BTW?

    LOL…you know, I hate seeing the word “spill” in books now? I really, really do.

    I stopped with LKH after the Incubus Dreams monstrosity. What a total waste of money. Good thing Amazon was selling the HC for only about $9 at the time. That should have told me something shouldn’t it?

  13. Sandie
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
    13

    Wait, hold on, Anita is pregnant?
    With what?!

    Please, I beg you, do not make me read this book to find out.

    I’m not embarassed to say I’m from Missouri…normally..

    Wait! Here’s kinda an answer to my pregnancy question:
    “As this new book opens, Blake is contemplating the possibility that she may be pregnant, and she’s uncertain who the father might be. There are no less than half a dozen possibilities, and none of them is fully human.”

    If you want to know what LKH is about (kinda), here’s an interview she gave the local paper.

    I about shat when I opened the paper to see that story in there..
    Sandie

  14. Katharina
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 1:51 pm
    14

    I’ve read the first two books of the series and can’t say I really enjoyed them (wayyyyyyyyy to disgusting urgg). Perhaps I DID subconsciously know what the future will bring.

    Her Merry Gentry books so far I’ve endured but during the last book Merry became a slut too. I lost count how many men in one day she had to cover.

    It seems the slut phenomenon is the new LKH trade-mark.

  15. karibelle
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 1:58 pm
    15

    Ummmm…..So let’s get this straight. She is the Tom Clancy of her “Field” (note the careful avoidance of the word “genre”,) and she is responsible for the success of all genre bending authors. Now it all makes sense…..She is insane!!!! Now I feel much better. I did not understand before, but now I get it.

    Note to LKH: Your work can indeed be pidgeonholed into a specific genre. It is Erotic Fiction. Your books have just as much sex as Emma Holly’s books do, but she does not try to be something she is not…..and her books are just flat out better. I want my $18.00 back! I can’t believe I didn’t wait for paperback.

  16. Danielle
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 3:22 pm
    16

    I gave up on LKH after the first twenty pages of the first book. Anita Blake was just never likable to me. I could probably say the same about whatever Anne Rice writes, but I read those a long time ago, so I have a youthful bias.

  17. janeth
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 4:00 pm
    17

    After burning out pretty quickly on the Merry series, I’ve avoided getting into the Anita books, and given the highly persuasive negative reviews they’ve gotten, I doubt I ever will read them. LKH is a textbook case on how NOT to write in first person. Anybody who wants to write first person POV should study the first couple of Merry books to see how LKH screws up a neat world and interesting male characters by telling everything from the oh-so-annoying heroine’s point of view. I wish someone else would rewrite the whole series in third person. Heh. And maybe kill off Merry or at least stuff a sock in her mouth for a while.

  18. T.
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
    18

    I was done with LKH after Incubus Dreams, but I was growing tired of her lame ass plot lines which read more like Scoobi Doo episodes. They were becoming far too predictable.

    I’m not that tough on errors in a book, so the errors in ID didn’t bother me that much, it was the lack of story and the repetitiveness that drove me insane. All of the talking and the angsting was too much for my logical brain to handle. It was like being caught in a time warp reading ID because every time I turned the page, I felt like I was still on the same page I turned from.

    I’m completely through with LKH and I’ve replaced her with a WAAAAY better author. D.N. Simmons. She can write circles around LKH without putting any effort at all into it. I’d recommend reading her books when going cold turkey over Laurell.

  19. Barbara B.
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
    19

    I’ve only read Obsidian Butterfly in the Blake series. I really loved Edward and wished it was all about him. I bought the next book in the series but could never bring myself to read it. I’ve since heard nothing but the bad about Hamilton. I think it will eventually come out that Ms. Hamilton is bipolar. That’s the only thing that at once explains her incredible conceit and her shitty books.

  20. Jaye
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 5:39 pm
    20

    “literary abortion”

    ::blinkblink::

    Hahahahahahahaaachortlesmmuhffthehehee

  21. jmc
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 6:52 pm
    21

    So, in addition to screwing every supernatural creature in St. Louis, has Anita also now taken up classical ballet? Some other form of professional dancing (other than mattress dancing)? Otherwise, what’s the point of the red toe shoes on the cover? Just wondering.

  22. Kate R
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 8:27 pm
    22

    so you’re saying that if I want to finally succumb and read a LKH book, this is not the one to start with?

    can it be read on its own or do you have to know Anita’s past?

    hunting through the couch cushions for the money to buy it from Bam,
    Kate

  23. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
    23

    Aw, Bam, it’s hard to get out of an abusive relationship, isn’t it? I know how you feel, only I reached my breaking point with LKH a loooong time ago–after Narcissus in Chains, in fact. It was hard too. I found the Anita Blake books right after the sudden death of my mother and I was able to lose myself in her world and forget my pain. For that, I will always be grateful to LKH. But she took a wrong turn after Obsidian Butterfly and never looked back. Cutting Richard out of the trio and performing a character assasination on him as she did in NIC was the first step on a long and widing road that has sadly, ended in a big pile of shit. I did manage to make it through Cerulean Dreams, even though my heart wasn’t in it, but the plot was paper thin and it was mostly all about the sex. And hey, don’t get me wrong, as and erotica author, I *love* well written sex. But this isn’t well written. Also, even if you *do* have really hot sex, you still need a plot to back it up. LKH is sadly lacking in the plot and characterization department now as your review reveals.
    Just try to read something else and take your mind off it. When you’re a serious hard core fan, the betrayal of your favorite writer can be very painful. You look at all the horrible things going on in the world and know you shouldn’t let a little thing like a book get you down but you just can’t help it. I was in a blue funk for days after NIC. In fact, I even wrote LKH an e-mail, demanding to know why she had trashed her own world. I got a reply back from her assistant saying I was ungrateful and that LKH knew exactly what she was doing and basically, is a genius which was news to me. That’s when I knew things weren’t going to get better and I had to move on and forget her. It wasn’t easy.
    So I feel you Bam. Hugs,
    Evangeline

  24. Jane
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 10:28 pm
    24

    1. Micah is the literary incarnation of her new husband Jon. It’s pretty much fact. I think she wrote about it once or Darla did or someone (scary that I know Darla’s name, huh?).

    2. Richard is based on her ex. Also blogged about by LKH.

    3. I hope LKH never stops writing because these reviews are so fun to read.

  25. Anonymous
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
    25

    Thank you for telling it like it is! For sheer entertainment value, I love to read the reviews on Amazon of LKH’s most recent books.

    While I stopped reading the series after “Obsidian Butterfly”, I really wish the series had ended after “Blue Moon”. I’ve thumbed through books like “Narcissus in Chains”, and have been grateful to not waste my time or money on such drivel. It’s sad, because I used love Anita. She was such a “kick butt” heroine, but one that I could still relate to, with morals and values.

    LKH also doesn’t seem to realize that when you make your heroine all-powerful, so much so that there is nothing left to fight (only to f—, apparently!), there is no more conflict, no more “heart in the throat” moment of “is she going to survive?”

    Figuring out who/what impregnated Anita, counting how many males she can have sex with in one encounter, let alone one day… B-O-R-I-N-G!!! This is why I will never spend one red cent, nor one more moment of my time, on these books.

  26. sybil
    Posted: Jun 28th, 2006 at 11:42 pm
    26

    I picked up the book today, well at the store, read the last page, giggled and put it back.

    All I have to say is… sucker *g*

  27. Flo
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 1:05 am
    27

    LOL I gave up on LKH in ID, if the woman can’t get “Isle and Aisle” correct she’s done as an author. It ain’t rocket science.

    Now I stick around to read the flaming, snarky, fabulous reviews put out by you and others who have the guts (possibly SPILLED >:D on the floor) to read these goop smeared pages of sex-a-thons.

    And I’m sure the book will sell, the train wreck factor and the desperate hope that “Vampire politics” actually happens is strong. It’s like an abusive relationship, people just keep coming back around.

    Fabulous review :D

  28. CindyS
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 1:51 am
    28

    Bam, I must thank you for saving me about 25 bucks!! I have read all of Anita but did not read Micah because he blows. I guess I just kept waiting for the world to come back. Now it sounds just like the Merry Gentry series and I stopped reading when I counted 17 men that Merry was to have sex with. When I can no longer figure out which character is which, I’m done.

    I love me some hot sex and yeah, I loved the Anita and Jean-Claude sex scene but everything after that became anonymous. I love Edward and I’m almost afraid to ask if he showed up in this book because he would be the only reason I would buy it.

    Even then, she ruined his edge in Obsidian Butterfly by having him married with children and having Anita able to draw down on him. Ugh.

    CindyS (LKH free finally!)

  29. Kat O+
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 5:03 am
    29

    Well, that does it. I’m going to Borders on the weekend so I can read this book in the cafe. :-)

  30. lady t
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 7:26 am
    30

    Well,I just recieved a 40% discount coupon exclusively for Danse Macabre from Borders(didn’t know they made discount coupons for specific books)and with this review fully posted,guess what I’m gonna buy this weekend!

    I know,I know,this is an illness-seriously need an LKH Anonymous group to overcome this addiction. I’ve tried to kick it by reading better books by Kim Harrison,Kelley Armstrong and Charlaine Harris but to no avail! It was easier to ditch Anne Rice,I swear.

    Oh,the hell with it*stands up*Hi,my name is Lady T and I’m addicted to LKH novels,despite the fact that all of her books now turn into literary orgies.”

  31. Ames
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 8:44 am
    31

    Lady T, I have to stand up beside you, because I am an addict too. LOL
    Great review Bam, it’s saving me a lot of time from reading this book myself.
    And thanks to Sybil’s genius idea, I’m just going to read the end in the bookstore.
    Frankly, I’m just too disappointed to even bother reading these books anymore. I am giving up and I’m not going to listen to that little devil anymore (he’s been exorcised-YAY!).

  32. Milady Insanity
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 9:09 am
    32

    I’m really really glad that I gave up after the first four or five books.

    Now I need to send this to my best pal so she’ll quit her addiction too.

  33. Devon
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 11:20 am
    33

    Thanks for the great review Bam, although now I am tempted to re-read the last couple of pages again, because I can’t really remember if she was pregnant or not. I don’t understand why LKH keeps introducing so many characters all the time. They’re like blow-up dolls–no personality, there for Anita to fuck. Who can keep track? Why not stick to the established he-rem? 5 or 6 guys are good enough, no?

    The last Merry Gentry book blew chunks, but I’m holding out until she has sex with the dude with all the tentacles. He’s my favorite. Unfortunately, it will be probably be boring, even with all the extras.

  34. Ang
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 2:18 pm
    34

    I totally agree with you Bam… The beginning books of this series were worth reading. The only complaint I had at the time was for her to get it on with SOMEONE, since ‘Blue Moon’ Antia has exploded into a whore of monumental proportions. I think the last book was almost 1000 pages and covered a span of like a day and a half, A DAY AND A HALF. I really don’t want to spend my time reading an entire book about Anita rolling some guys balls around in her mouth. I would also like to know what the heck happened to her actually having a job, I mean she couldn’t possibly have time to actually work anymore considering that all her time is now spent getting it on with every paranormal creature with a dangly part within a two hundred mile radius. I have since switched to reading Lilith Saintcrow, Patricia Briggs and Carrie Vaughn… and haven’t looked back.

  35. Avid Reader
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
    35

    Girl, you are crazy.

    I quit at Blue Moon when the damn ardeur was introduced and was grateful that I stopped there. The character assasinations are widespread and I just can’t read this series anymore despite how bad I really want to even today. Anita killed monsters, now she is a monster, master vampire, leader of the werewolf pack, werepeople, half-immortal, can call different species to her beck and call, what else..hmm, what other super powers does she have now…

    Oh, her sleeping with everybody and anything is annoying as hell. I wish this woman would stop already. But nope, you all keep buying the books, dammit.

    Keishon

  36. Katie
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
    36

    Wow, such passion this author has spawned! So many comments…

    I’ve never read any of the series (14 books to catch up on sounds daunting and expensive), so could someone try to explain what exactly this “ardeur” is? How’d she get it, and what exactly does it do?

  37. Kate R
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 8:42 pm
    37

    but Bam, what did you think of the COVER??

  38. Bam
    Posted: Jun 29th, 2006 at 10:37 pm
    38

    The cover’s hot, kate rothwell.

  39. Elisabeth
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 6:04 am
    39

    Your review was more fun to read than the last books although that is very easy
    but i loved your review really :-)
    and alway when i read such a opinion i know i am not alone whoe values plot and character and is disappointed in LKH

  40. Avid Reader
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 6:28 am
    40

    so could someone try to explain what exactly this “ardeur” is? How’d she get it, and what exactly does it do?

    The “ardeur” is supposed to be the spirit of some dead pack leader, Raina, I think it is. She was a slut. Which in turn makes Anita a slut whenever the “ardeur” surfaces. It’s ridiculous. Since I stopped reading, she may have added some things to that definition and given a dozen more explanations.

    The first eight books of this series could be classifed as paranormal mysteries that were dark, humerous but violent. Anita would work with the paranormal police as a side job to help clear cases that were caused by the unexplained. At times, it would be very suspenseful. I loved them. Inhaled during a vacation trip to the country. But now, the gears are shift, focusing more on SEX and story and Anita gains so much power that it’s ridiculous, and Jean-Claude, Richard are both the victin of character assasinations, while other characters are sporadic like her best friend Ronnie, who I read shows up in this book. Dolph and the gang, not sure how much of a role they’ve played in the books, they went missing for awhile, too.

    Sorry to ramble, but LKH is very talented, very imaginative. Unfortunately, she’s not writing porn that seems that thousands still want to read. I quit the series at Blue Moon because after that book, the stories clearly change after that.

    HTH.

    Keishon

  41. Avid Reader
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 6:31 am
    41

    meant to say that she is writing porn that many seem to enjoy…

    Keishon

  42. Bev (BB)
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 6:52 am
    42

    I feel so pure and innocent since I’ve never read anything by LKH.

    And after reading all this, I’ll probably run screaming in the opposite direction if I even see one on the shelves.

    What a mess.

  43. Bam
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 7:39 am
    43

    The “ardeur” is supposed to be the spirit of some dead pack leader, Raina, I think it is.

    Naw, the “ardeur” is a curse… or a gift that comes from the Belle Morte, who is the vampire that made Jean Claude. Essentially, it means that Jean Claude can feed from sex as well as blood, which means he’s a incubus. Since Anita is the most special human servant ever, she just has to get the “ardeur” too, which means she is now a succubus. And since her “ardeur” is in its early stages, she has to feed it regularly… which means tons of sex with multiple partners. Otherwise, she dies. Seriously.

    God, that made me tired just writing it.

  44. Tatterdemallion
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 8:43 am
    44

    I posted for the first time a couple of books back but didn’t really properly introduce myself, so…Hi!

    Great site, Bam, and I agree completely with everything you’ve said about LKH’s AB books. 100%.
    So, why haven’t I cancelled my hold on the first available copy at the local library? Addicted to pain. *Sigh*

    Sam :)

  45. Dani
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 11:10 am
    45

    I got the book for 16 bucks and the only reason I’m reading it is because I want to debate it with the “Fans” on her forum from a knowledgeable base.
    But I do have to say this…
    How can those who like the turn of this series still walk around believing that Anita Blake is a STRONG woman.
    Most of the strong women I know aren’t pimped out and don’t save the world on their backs, knees or hanging from a sex slave trapeze.
    I also don’t seee how they can defend her being victimized by everyone or thing around her. So much for her being the protector of the entire preternatural world.

  46. Anonymous
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 12:58 pm
    46

    I have not read DM as of yet. My daughter has it in the house, and like a gawker at a terrible accident, I keep passing by it. I swore I would never ever read another Laurell K. Hamilton bio turned fiction. But I just can’t seem to stay away.

    I was hoping that someone, from somewhere outside of St.Louis would let Anita know that it is not those involved with her who have problems, but she who needs therapy.

    To want to fuck several men at one time is not my cup of tea, but if that is the way the author wanted Anita to go, hell just admit it, without all the metaphysical B.S.

    Without degrading all those around her who were adult enough to know what the wanted and went after it with the zest of the living.

    Now everyone is basking at the font that is Anita, the woman who knows nothing, learns nothing, and who can give sex ed to someone when because she has now succumb to a vamp who can’t screw until he has a blood pressure, and 2 mentally, physically and sexually molested pity kitties with bits on he schlong, which makes her now the guru of knowledge when it comes to sex.

    Anita is a woman, who wants to be a man, but don’t want to fuck woman, I say give her a sex change and let all the other characters be her bitches, it’s not like it’s has not happened.

    I really do not want to read this book, but then what will I have to snark about?

  47. Anonymous
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
    47

    I just want to say one thing. If ya’ll hate it so much stop reading and move on. I am a fan. And yes the books have become a little repetive at times but I still read them. I love the Anita Blake world and the Merry world that LKH has created. That being said, if you hate it, don’t read it!

  48. Avid Reader
    Posted: Jun 30th, 2006 at 9:01 pm
    48

    Naw, the “ardeur” is a curse… or a gift that comes from the Belle Morte, who is the vampire that made Jean Claude.

    Figures. I must look up Blue Moon because that’s when it was introduced, I thought. Fuck it. I don’t care.

    However, I fear we have a LKH rabid fangirl amongst us.

    Keishon

  49. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Jul 1st, 2006 at 7:40 am
    49

    What is the Ardeur? Basically it’s like a lust seizure that may strike Anita at any time. Then she must…have…sex…And it seems like just about any warm body will do.
    *sigh* I really, really, *really* loved these books before NIC. I think the only reason I got Cerulean Sins was that I was hoping I would open the book and find that the first line was, “And then Anita woke up and realized the entire previous book was only a bad dream. A nightmare, in fact…”
    Alas, it didn’t happen. But I say let the fangirl be. If she’s still getting out of the series what I got to start with, then more power to her. I just wish I could.
    Evangeline

  50. Anonymous
    Posted: Jul 1st, 2006 at 4:48 pm
    50

    Just to traumatize you some more after that awesome review, these books are a freaking autobiography. And Ronnie is all the “evil jealous haters” (i.e. former fans who don’t like seeing Anita spend more time horizontal than vertical and wonder aloud that “vampire HUNTER” is still on the cover of the books) that LKH has bitched about and insulted in her blog. That whole scene was LKH telling the unhappy former fans to go fuck themselves, she’s going to write about her new Wiccan lifestyle and all the sex she has with her new husband whether they want to read it or not. Richard was based on her ex-husband. Which is why the formerly Catholic/Episcopalian vampire slayer is now talking about Diety (LKH’s spelling, not mine), and exploring the many varieties of ‘love’ by having unprotected sex with many long-haired, effeminate strangers.

    Girlfriend needs therapy. BADLY.

  51. Danielle
    Posted: Jul 2nd, 2006 at 2:31 am
    51

    Why do defenders of something always have to say “y’all”? I’m always brought back to some Jerry Springer or Maury Povich episode where the “hated” person comes out, flipping the camera off, saying things like, “Shaddap shaddap you don’ knoooooooooow me! You don’ knooooooooooooow me! Y’all’re hatas .. HATAS. WHATEVA. WHATEVA.” Always trying to speak up over the screaming crowd who, more often than not, is right, because they were born with something called “common sense.”

  52. Jackie
    Posted: Jul 5th, 2006 at 10:29 am
    52

    Dang.

    ((Jackie eyes copy of DM that she just bought yesterday))

    I used to really enjoy the early books. And I still crush on Edward. But…after OB, I’ve been reading more out of habit than anything else.

    Just…dang.

    ((sigh))

  53. eackerman
    Posted: Jul 7th, 2006 at 7:30 am
    53

    I’m ready for the final Anita Blake book, the one where weird ol’ Edward blows Anita away.

    And then maybe we can have some hot Edward stories!

    Oh, and for the LKH fans who want reviewers to just shut up and not buy the book? Reviewers we respect do the rest of us a favor by throwing themselves on the exploding awfulness of bad writing, saving us from having our own eyeballs seared. Thank you, BAM.

  54. Anonymous
    Posted: Jul 15th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
    54

    Hey I was reading all of your comments and just thought to add a better vibe to this page of crying complainers. first I would like to say yes I agree that the originals were better but I still love her books. Secondly let me reminde you all that it is your own stupid selves who keep reading the books. If you like them read them but if you don’t, please for all the sakes of all the positive readers, stop with the bitching and moaning already. Good God! with this much bad carma floating around on one page I would think it was each of you people that were having the baby and not Anita.

    P.S. for those of you who didn’t even finish reading one book you have no right to judge Laurell K. Hamiltons writing so why don’t you go find some other book that you can piss all over and leave Mrs. Hamiltons books alone. Tootles!

  55. Tania
    Posted: Jul 15th, 2006 at 10:59 pm
    55

    We keep reading them because we keep hoping that soon, soon, LKH will wake up and realize that she’s whored off her main character for the sake of….well, hell. For the sake of her own damn ego, pretty much. I personally wish I had read this before I went out and bought the bloody book, because reading it and comparing it to what they were makes me a sad, sad panda.

    And I don’t think anyone made you read this review, did they? Because, call me crazy, it doesn’t look like Bam needs to make people read her stuff. She’s funny enough on her own terms.

    And as for the people who didn’t finish…obviously they do have the right to judge, since they actually read some of it, and hey, didn’t like it. They’re not pulling their opinions outta their asses.

  56. Krista
    Posted: Jul 22nd, 2006 at 4:02 pm
    56

    I’ve read every single LKH book, and I have to say, I stand with the OP in saying that I’ll never buy another book written by her. I loved the series in the beginning, but the last two books (both of which I’ve bought in HC, ehm expensive) where complete crap. This last one was the absolute worst book I’ve ever read in my entire life.

    I’m so sick of hearing how insanely powerful Anita is now. She’s taken that way to far. The ardeur is another huge problem, justifying that there is no longer any plot, but her on going sex drive. The Anita series has gone from a bad-ass vampire hunter/zombie raising series, to just another smut series which belongs in the dollar bin at the local book store.

    I’m proud to say that I’ve been reading the Kim Harrison series, which is amazing. If anyone else knows any other series’ similar to Kim Harrison/LKH (early stages) please post and let me know.

    :)

  57. Anonymous
    Posted: Jul 25th, 2006 at 11:16 am
    57

    I just have to say that I feel Anita’s character has been missing since the introduction to the ardeur. I understand the concept it is interesting, but it seems this in an excuse for anything goes, and she has used this a vehicle to write about nothing but
    encouters with every man/wereanimal who crosses Anita’s path. “Knock, knock knock” Hello
    “Any PLOT home” In some of the stories, it is impossible to find. I miss the vampire hunting and zombie raising, head strong girl….Where is she? Who knows. I find it ironic that her character yells “yikes,” or rolls her eyes at same sex insinuation or at someone like her friend Ronnie expressing true emotion over her own boyfriend…..but she can have sex with any Tom,Dick or Wererat that passes her way….Come on if we have to be subjected to all of that “porn” which is really what it is…..can we have some sense of realism, maybe a death in her family or an afair with a women or something to make this more pallitable…….I am all worked up screw it…I am giving up on this series!!!!

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