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They Call Me Shovel-Face!

I stared at this cover for a while, trying to figure out what it reminded me of. After a few hours, it finally came to me. Seriously, I was walking to class when the face flashed in my head. I think I actually said “Aha!” out loud. It was a good thing I was in the lit building, where they’re pretty much used to crazy people. Anyway, take a look at this thing and tell me if the resemblance is not uncanny. Man, I know that cover artists sometimes take a model’s face and slap on it somebody else’s body, but was the Face of Mars really the best choice? Honestly! Dude’s face is as flat as a pancake. As if that’s not enough, he’s cross-eyed, too. He’s like Fabio’s retarded redneck cousin or something. If not for the Joisey Girl™ hair, that is. Man, look at that thing. There’s no way you can accomplish hair like that by rolling out of bed, spritzing some water on it, and heading out like you’re carefree and shit. Hair like that needs 2 cans of Aquanet, 3 cans of White Rain Mousse, and an industrial-strength pick. Like the ones with the metal prongs. I can’t even tell where his hair ends and his chest hair begins. They’re, like… tangled together or something. Wait, no, that’s not chest hair. Eww. Those are his ratty-ass split ends. I do love the way his hands are fisted at his sides. With the constipated expression on his face, it looks like he’s trying to take a power-dump or something. Ha-ha, a poop joke.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 25th, 2006 at 6:28 pm and is filed under Covers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

8 Responses to “They Call Me Shovel-Face!”

  1. Lyn
    Posted: Sep 25th, 2006 at 7:42 pm
    1

    Oh, now come on are they really going to tell us that the author was happy with this?? I’m sorry but that’s just lazy work. Actually I shouldn’t even label it work. It’s pure crap. I reckon I could do a better job of it. Damn, that’s it, I’m buying poser!! And that hair! Sheesh, someone must be having a joke on us.

  2. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Sep 25th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
    2

    Yet another cover that would have been perfectly fine without the head. People, I am telling you that headless is the way to go. Unless you *reallY* trust your cover artist, never ask for the face or head to be shown on your cover. It just almost never works.

  3. December Quinn
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 1:37 am
    3

    He lookes like he has severe scoliosis and his neck is broken. The way he’s holding his head…it just looks wrong. He reminds me of illustrations in children’s book (sans barely covered groin, of course)–it has that sort of sloppy, not-quite-finished look to it. Also his left arm looks much longer than his right.

    Evangeline, unfortunately not all of us are lucky enough to have our publishers/cover artists listen to what we say we want!

  4. shuzluva
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 5:57 am
    4

    Evie, I was thinking why, oh why did they put his head on before I even read your comment. Now all I can think is OFF WITH IT! Jeez, it looks like they took some amature art and stuck it on top of a halfway decent body.

    Bam…uh, I know you love me, so stop denigrating my home state. I love big hair and I’m proud of it. His hair could be a stand it for most of Bon Jovi. I just can’t stop looking at that moon face. It’s hurting my eyes. OW, OW, OW!

  5. Evangeline Anderson
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 7:58 am
    5

    Yeah! Blogger is finally letting me post. I am sorry for anyone who is the victim of bad cover art. I have experianced it myself, which is what led me to Bam’s site in the first place. If you have a bad cover, my heart goes out to you.
    And Shuzluca, Yes! Off with his head!
    : ) E

  6. Avid Reader
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 8:11 am
    6

    Bam, I just don’t know what your taking about here, sweetie. This guy is HOT. I mean, lookit: he’s cross-eyed, so what? That just means he gets to look at you from two different angles. Duh! How hot is that? Plus, the hair. So what if it looks like the grime and dirt that comes from a mop, it’s sexy as hell. I can see getting my fingers caught in it. Now, that’s hot. And that look on his face is not a constipated look at all. ::Eye roll:: It’s a: are you talking to me look? Get it? From Dirty Harry? Never mind. And that background you see there? Uh, that’s the moon. He took this shot while visiting Mars. The force of gravity, er, sorta made his face uneven.

    Anyway, this guy is HOT.

    Keishon

  7. Bev (BB)
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 8:27 am
    7

    Forget him, I’m trying to figure out what that is behind him. What IS that?

    Half of the moon?

    Oh, wait, maybe it’s a close up of the sun considering the tatoo on his chest.

    You know, I think I really am too obsessed with puzzles on covers . . . ;p

  8. Laura
    Posted: Sep 26th, 2006 at 7:52 pm
    8

    He reminds me of a sand sculpture with seaweed hair.

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