[ETA: Scroll down for Shuzluva goodness]

I cribbed this from Writing Fiction of the Gotham Writers’ Workshop and tailored it to me. It would be rad if you guys did it on your respective blogs and posted the links on the comment section. Let’s dance, bitches.

What is in your refrigerator right now? On your bedroom floor? On your nightstand? In your garbage can?

In the fridge: day-old pizza, a severed foot, rancid milk, a tub of butter, a bottle of ranch, strawberry jelly. On my bedroom floor: some comic books, slippers, Tim’s dirty socks, the hamper. On my nightstand: a copy of collected works by Harlan Ellison, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, a box of Kleenex, and nasal spray. In my garbage can: junk mail, discarded boxes from my Amazon purchases, empty water bottles, banana peels, balled up piece of paper when I’m bored and try to pretend I’m some kind of basketball wunderkind. Yeah, I don’t recycle. And I’m evil.

Look at your feet. Describe what you see there. Do you wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Are you in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or are you wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by your grandmother?

My bare feet. Unadorned. Lots of scars from childhood. Some calluses. I have small feet. Size 5. My grandma calls them my “Jesus feet”. She said I would have had no problems walking from Galilee to Nazareth.

When you think of your childhood kitchen, what smell does she associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for you?

My mom didn’t learn how to cook till later, so we had a lot of TV dinners. She did like to clean, though. The kitchen always smelled a little bit like a hospital, which is weird. You can’t eat where you’re waiting for the results of your anal probe. Or can you? Also, Tollhouse cookies ’cause they were the only things she could make.

You are doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for you to throw out? What is difficult for you to part with? Why?

Spring cleaning? Oh hell no. What the fuck is that shit? Just kidding. I do go nuts sometimes and want to just… throw stuff out. Easy for me to throw out? Umm… junk mail. Old shoes. Jeans that don’t fit. Workout equipment I bought on impulse and used once. Hard for me to part with? Comic books (even the ones falling apart), DVDs I don’t watch, my old Harlequin Presents, shirts I used to look cute in.

It’s Saturday at noon. What are you doing? If you’re eating breakfast, what exactly do you eat? If you’re stretching out in your backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel do you lie on?

Tim and I usually wake up at noon on Saturday, so heh. We walk to have breakfast at this cute little place by our house. I have the Spinach and cheese omelet, sometimes when I’m feeling adventurous: the Spam and cheese omelet. Tim has the bagel sandwich with scrambled eggs, red onions, tomato, and bacon. He always asks, “Can I get the Works on my bagel?”. I drink orange juice. Tim has his coffee black. Then we go home. Tim plays Elderscrolls IV: Oblivion on the XBOX 360. I sit next to him and read from my Ray Bradbury: 100. Sometimes I work. Okay, Tim often turns to me at some point of the day and says, “For God’s sake, go write.” I don’t sun unless I can help it. I don’t like heat on my skin. Unless I’m cold.

What is one strong memory that has stuck with you from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

When I was six years old, I was running around in my grandfather’s backyard. The house was being renovated, so there were all sorts of old wood and debris all over the place. I stepped on a plank with rusty nails sticking out of it. Both feet. My Jesus feet. I still have the scars. I had to get two tetanus shots. I can’t remember if it hurt or not. I do remember screaming to the high heavens, though. ‘Cause I had nails sticking out of my feet.

You are getting ready for a night out. Where are you going? What do you wear? Who will you be with?

Tim and I are creatures of habit. If we’re gonna go out for the night we’re going to do 3 things: 1) Get sushi 2) Watch a geek-approved movie 3) get coffee from Starbucks and wander around in a Barnes and Noble. I could joke and say I’d rather be doing that stuff with Justin Hartley or Brandon Routh, but that would be a lie. I wouldn’t do any of those things with anyone else but Tim. He’s my lobster. On our night out, I usually wear a funny shirt I got from Busted Tees, a pair of jeans, and sneakers. Tim wishes I would wear something sexier, but dude… ain’t nothing sexier than a girl-geek already, thanks.

There you have it. You know a little more about me than you used to. Don’t you feel like you’ve accomplished something today already?

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What is in your refrigerator right now? On your bedroom floor? On your nightstand? In your garbage can?

Perdue Dinosaur Nuggets, fruit, veggies…all the usual except for this crap called Lucozade that my fabulous nanny likes. I don’t allow anything on the bedroom floor except furniture. I am a neatnik and love it. My nightstand has a lovely lamp, a phone, my fucking alarm clock, a small keepsake box (okay, it’s a crapholder because I don’t like crap laying on the nightstand) a photo of the girls, a pen, a pad of paper, my eReader, Jewel of Atlantis by Gena Showalter, Helen of Troy by Margaret George and Two Lives by Vikram Seth.

Look at your feet. Describe what you see there. Do you wear dress shoes, gym shoes, or none at all? Are you in socks that are ratty and full of holes? Or are you wearing a pair of blue and gold slippers knitted by your grandmother?

Designer shoes. What the heck did you think Shuzluva meant? I’m wearing a pair of stiletto pumps that cost quite a bit, but since I wear a suit (or suit-level clothes) every day, it’s worth it. My father would put me to bed by telling me the story of Cinderella and it really stuck (plus he loved shoes too). There’s no better pick-me-up than buying a fabulous pair of shoes! I am the sock police. Sock has a hole? A rubbed spot? GOODBYE. I don’t care if it was your favorite pair. See ya.

When you think of your childhood kitchen, what smell does you associate with it? Sauerkraut? Oatmeal cookies? Paint? Why is that smell so resonant for you?

Bacon on Saturday mornings. My mom would cook bacon and challah french toast. Mmmm…bacon and syrup. That is one of the best smells ever. Oh, and coffee. My mom would drink an entire pot.

You are doing intense spring cleaning. What is easy for you to throw out? What is difficult for you to part with? Why?

I hate getting rid of things like cards and drawings, even though they sit in piles collecting dust. Anything else? TRASH. I love cleaning house.

It’s Saturday at noon. What are you doing? If you’re eating breakfast, what exactly do you eat? If you’re stretching out in your backyard to sun, what kind of blanket or towel do you lie on?

I’m watching my kids at a gym class. And praying that they don’t run out of it before the hour’s up, because whether they really know it or not, they’re having a great time and I love watching them grow into their bodies and minds.

What is one strong memory that has stuck with you from childhood? Why is it so powerful and lasting?

I have so many strong memories and I already told you I’m one of those freaks that has crib memories. So I can’t pick one. Good lord, sitting here thinking about it brings more and more memories to light. Kinahora I should always have a memory like an elephant.

You are getting ready for a night out. Where are you going? What do you wear? Who will you be with?

I’m definitely wearing heels (’cause the hubby loves ‘em and so do I), probably jeans and a tight something on top. We’re either going to a movie or dinner with friends. Does it matter? We get to be adults for the evening and enjoy each others company without kidus interruptus.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 27th, 2007 at 11:18 am and is filed under Just Dionne!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.