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March Madness Contest!

I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but when I get a story idea, the first thing I develop is the hero. If your guy ain’t larger than life and so damn sexy you could practically get a whiff of his manly sweat from the pages, your reader will have a hard time trying to imagine why the heroine would risk life and limb to get to him. Along with your heroine, you gotta get your reader to realize, “Yes, this is him. This is the one. There is no one else in the world for the heroine than this guy. He’s the best match.”

But what I wanna know is how you creative-types formulate the hero in your head. Here’s a sample recipe: a dash of Steve McQueen, a little bit of Leo DiCaprio from Romeo + Juliet for puppy-boy vulnerability, a pinch of Johnny Depp for the wackiness, a healthy dollop of Brad Pitt’s body from Fight Club, a little Zach Braff ’cause you want him to be makin’ you a mixed tape from time to time, and maybe… a half a cup of Eric Bana for the roguish charm (think Blackhawk Down). Mmm… hero goodness. But what if you had to write an ad for such a guy? What would that be like?

So here’s what I want from you guys this month. Write me an ad looking for your perfect hero. And remember: It’s gotta look like an ad. Think economy, ladies. Space constraints. 30 words or less.

The Prize: Any book you want, 20 dollar limit (I’m a po’ girl, yo!). I’ll have it shipped from Amazon to you.

Deadline: March 4th, 5PM PST. On Sunday night, I’ll post the three best ones, then we vote. I’ll announce the winner on Tuesday morning. Good luck, bitches, and get creative!

And the contest is closed, my friends!

Don’t forget there’s another one on the 1st of April! It’ll be good times, I promise.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 1st, 2007 at 7:01 am and is filed under Contests and Free Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

39 Responses to “March Madness Contest!”

  1. December Quinn
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 7:31 am
    1

    WF seeks dark-haired vampire for movies, romantic dinners, eternal life. Must be very sexually experienced. Liking stretch marks a plus.

    Mine are always so lame, I wonder if I’m really this bad a writer. But then, I’m not entering the contest anyway, so oh well.

  2. Erica
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 8:15 am
    2

    Seeking smart, honest man, sexy and confident in bed and intriguing even when clothed. Killer abs optional, but must have five o’clock shadow, long eyelashes, and wicked sense of humor.

  3. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 8:39 am
    3

    I just want to know if that’s a real ad, Bam. Paramount puker? I’m pretty sure I’d glance at the guy who puked all over himself but not because I wanted to swipe phone numbers.

    trying to think of an ad and they allllll sound lame.

    Searching for a hero: must be funny, good with kids, good looking, with dark eyes and good hands. must also be able to tolerate heroine’s attitude, poor sense of direction (without comment) and be able to know exactly why she is pissed without her explaining. Please reply to….

  4. kate r
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 10:35 am
    4

    I’ll get to work but I think your ad with the puker can’t be beat. He’s my idea of a hero, which might be why I’m not selling much.

  5. Ann(ie)
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 10:51 am
    5

    WQSF seeks TWOBERLGF for hot monkey sex, panty sniffing and shopping for wicker furniture. Must love dogs (but not carnally) and enjoy bad kung fu movies. Pants optional.

  6. shuzluva
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 11:25 am
    6

    You are: tall, sexy eyes, ripped bod, mensa mind w/motorcycle mojo. Broken nose okay, but rabbit-like sex drive a must. And gigantic…hands. I am: perfect for you.

  7. Sherry Thomas
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 11:30 am
    7

    Demanding female seeks mate, must reek of power and success, know Antiphanes from Aristophanes, and pi from tart. Drop-dead gorgeousness a plus. Yacht-owners considered first.

    >> That’s a pretty fair description of the hero from my first book. :-)

  8. Emily Veinglory
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
    8

    Seeking the perfect man. Doesn’t matter if you are poor, short, overweight, balding, wear glasses or have an extensive Star Trek collection. Adversity makes us beautiful, love makes us strong. You and me, babe.

  9. Emily Veinglory
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 1:19 pm
    9

    P.s. I just ordered that centaur story by PC Cast off the sidebar, it looks great!

  10. Kelly Schaub
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 3:01 pm
    10

    WF seeks confident WM. Savvy: the smells of horses, leather, and hay get me hot. Must be commando; privateer, not Viking. Rodeo cowboys and mall ninjas need not apply.

  11. Jackie
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 4:07 pm
    11

    F SEEKING G-SPOT

    I know I’ve got one. Help me find it. If you’re M, 26 - 45, dexterous, and like to play with your food, call me.

  12. Elaine Corvidae
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 6:23 pm
    12

    WF seeks intelligent man with sense of humor and lots of angst. Must find strong women a turn-on. Any age; race (including elves and fae) unimportant. Also open to men suffering from curses or lycanthropy. Ability to enhance sex life with magic a plus. Mental stability optional.

  13. SweetNSourGirl
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 7:24 pm
    13

    F seeking intelligent 18-27 year old, must enjoy corny hair band music, long walks on the beach and fighting crime. Sense of humor, personal angst and six pack a plus! Must love Celtic goddesses.

  14. Sweet
    Posted: Mar 1st, 2007 at 9:07 pm
    14

    SEX GOD WANTED
    Must be able to cook, clean, and shut the fuck up on command.

  15. Orchid
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 1:16 am
    15

    SWYF seeks one D/SM for wacky escapades, hot sex, angsting, wangsting. Must be over 6′3′’, broody, and can undress women with your eyes. Alcoholic alpha were with traumatic past a must, I’ll be your Bitch in Heat.

    (this is why i read, not write :P )

  16. Darraghahahahah
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 5:53 am
    16

    Wanted: Man who will spend more time looking at me than himself in the mirror. Must be proficient at performing cunnilingus. Often.

  17. Samantha
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 12:15 pm
    17

    Searching: knows when to be solemn, when to laugh. Can wear an Armani suit, but still split wood in my backyard wearing flannel on weekends. Adorable freckles, graceful hands - plusses.

  18. Kaitlin
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 6:34 pm
    18

    SWF seeking intelligent, sexy, humorous SWM with dark hair, soulful eyes and TALL. I know you don’t exist, but if by some miracle you are out there….CALL ME!

  19. Devon
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 8:49 pm
    19

    SF seeks emotionally mature and super powerful half-vampire/half-fae SM. Required: Six feet plus, rock hard abs, talent in bed, eternal devotion. Optional: ability to make intelligent conversation and understand sarcasm. Mommy issues? Crazy ex issues? Need not apply.

  20. Kathleen
    Posted: Mar 2nd, 2007 at 10:09 pm
    20

    Wanted: Penis with a wallet. At least one has to be large.

  21. meardaba
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 8:05 am
    21

    Seeking: one night stand. Must be good with hands/tongue, and tireless. Boys - it’s been a long time. I’m ready, are you?

  22. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 10:37 am
    22

    Looking for Mr. Sweet Ass.
    I walked in on you pissing in the unisex john at Ringo’s, Mar 1.
    I patted your ass. You smiled. I grabbed your dick and shook it.
    Nice package. Let’s fuck. Mall family restroom, nine p.m. Saturday. I’ll be the one with the red rose in my hair and Peep* in my snatch.

    Disclaimer:
    (*sugary Easter ducky or bunny shaped marshmellow candy)

  23. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 12:06 pm
    23

    Seeking psycho-amazon war bitch from hell with an attitude to test drive new products from the maker of Jackhammer Jesus. Must like yaoi manga.

  24. Maria Duncan
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 2:01 pm
    24

    NS RC seeks wild and wicked 6ft man, preferably wealthy, to rid her of her prudish ways.GSOH optional, penis essential. Can be dead or alive but must leave tradition at the door.A past in the military would be an asset, especially if uniform is still in possession.

  25. LadyRhian
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 3:33 pm
    25

    SF seeks studly geek for her boy-toy. Your likes: taking it in the ass, worshipping me as Goddess, testing new sex toys. Must love my erotica. Call me.

  26. LadyRhian
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 4:01 pm
    26

    You: seeking magic va-jay-jay for healing body/mind/soul. Me: Has what you’re looking for. Tall, dark, enormously wealthy and titled, a plus. Hung like a horse, even better!

  27. Tania
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 7:24 pm
    27

    SWM seeks tall male with girly eyes and six pack abs, not beer. Long hair a plus, race unimportant. Must like making out in uncomfortably awkward poses.

  28. Tania
    Posted: Mar 3rd, 2007 at 7:25 pm
    28

    I of course meant SWF. =(

  29. Jackie
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 6:46 am
    29

    STRONG AND SILENT?

    F seeks blond and blue Cabin Boy to clean her heated pool. Other duties as assigned. Must be strong, flexible, skilled with power tools. Photo required; mutes welcome to apply.

  30. Charlene
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 9:43 am
    30

    Mary Ann seeks The Professor.

  31. Shiloh Walker
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 9:54 am
    31

    mutes welcome to apply.

    oh now that’s just wrong… lol. Why would somebody want a mute? Arguing and making up ~and out~ after is half the fun.

  32. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
    32

    M seeking same for sensual interpretations of Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes. Must bring own sheep.

  33. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
    33

    Wanted: male or female to play the part of the alien abductor and help me live out all my greezy fantasies of being anally probed. Must be willing to wear gray latex costume and speak only in binary code. Must be immune to 24/7 Barry Manilow music. He ain’t going anywhere.

  34. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 12:17 pm
    34

    Food fetish partner wanted for tag-team match on the new Supermarket Sweep game show. Must be able to cross display floor with various veggies protruding form every oriface. Hey! The prize money is worth it. Bring own vegetable peeler and health insurance card.

  35. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 12:21 pm
    35

    Help wanted: experienced bartender for new Bukkake Bar opening soon. Objectional Content wants to hire you! Apply now.

  36. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 12:22 pm
    36

    Oh, my GAWD. I think I just gave myself a new story idea with that last one. Thanks, Bam!

    Darr

  37. bam
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
    37
    Author Comment

    Darragha, should I impose a limit-one-per-customer rule? ;)

  38. SweetNSourGirl
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
    38

    SF seeks dare-devil, intellectual that doesn’t look like Ben Affleck. Must be able to bench press me while discussing String Theory. Six packs and other large packages are considered first!

  39. Darragha-hahaha
    Posted: Mar 4th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
    39

    But Bammie…I’m having fun!

    Darr

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