But what if it wasn’t looks that drew them together? What if they were friends first, and gradually fell into something deeper?

Annie, looks are rarely what draw people together (and they sure as heck don’t keep them together). But our culture tends to assume looks are what matters, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing a person’s choice of partner as an indication of what they find physically attractive–especially when all you know about the people in question is what they look like.

What if they met online and had no idea about anything when they were hanging out and talking and it didn’t become a factor until they actually got ready to meet and exchanged pictures so they’d know who they were looking for?

Case in point, my husband and I met online. We like some of the same books and music. He makes me laugh. He never said what his race was, and I assumed he was biracial (with no evidence. I just assume everyone is bi/multiracial until told otherwise). And that’s how I ended up married to a white guy.

Our culture generally tends to assume that men date women they find physically attractive. So when a black guy dates a white woman it doesn’t matter if they’re soulmates, our first response might be, “he thinks ‘white’ is more attractive than black.” But when I see a white, black, Asian or Latino guy with a black or brown woman, I subconsciously think, “He thinks black/brown is beautiful. What a smart man.”

But what if it wasn’t looks that drew them together? What if they were friends first, and gradually fell into something deeper? What if they met online and had no idea about anything when they were hanging out and talking and it didn’t become a factor until they actually got ready to meet and exchanged pictures so they’d know who they were looking for?

That’s the kind of thing I think about when I people-watch. I wonder how they met, what their story is.

Our culture generally tends to assume that men date women they find physically attractive. So when a black guy dates a white woman it doesn’t matter if they’re soulmates, our first response might be, “he thinks ‘white’ is more attractive than black.” But when I see a white, black, Asian or Latino guy with a black or brown woman, I subconsciously think, “He thinks black/brown is beautiful. What a smart man.”

Bettie, you nailed it for me. Yesterday, I was pondering why I find BW/WM stories so appealling, when the majority of Real-Life IR pairings I’m familiar with have a white woman as the female partner. I’m a white woman who kind of subscribes to the idea that, on the whole, men are shallower, simpler creatures than women. So a guy who doesn’t seem to subscribe to the blonde, blue-eyed ideal of beauty…it’s hot. Makes him more interesting, somehow.

The fact is, white authors–and most white people in general–don’t think about their world being practically all white because that is their reality and the reality of their readers. It’s taking them out of their comfort zone, or just even out of their daily pattern of life, to realize how white their books are, and an even stronger will to want to do anything about it.

Absolutely true, Angela. I never gave a single thought to the presence or absence of AA romance before it was brought to my attention, other than the occasional sigh over the black or gay best friend. Like on sitcoms where they throw them in for “diversity”, but they have no real personality or purpose other than to provide sage advice to the main characters. It sometimes seems kind of cheesy, but yeah, didn’t think about it all that much.

On of my best friend’s is Sendhil Ramamurthy’s “cousin”, and I insist on trumpeting my tenuous connection with him everywhere.

Women who only fancy white men are just too damn picky.

In terms of the romance novel, I don’t see black or Asian men becoming heroes as regularly as Latinos, “Native Americans” or “Middle Eastern” heroes because of the negative sexual association. Carrie’s story about furtive, drunken gossip about being with a black man feeds into the 19th century to now media of the black man as hyper-sexualized object. Not a man with feelings and emotions, but a sexual object and conquest. It’s because it’s seen as somewhat shameful to desire and want to get to know a black man that I don’t foresee a mass exodus of white readers to romance novels featuring black heroes and heroines.(for the heroine part, the media has conditioned us to see black women as unattractive because our “wide” noses and “nappy” hair. (I hear off-the-cuff comments concerning the appearance of black women from white women a lot–and the words from that Glamour editor confirm how “black” beauty is seen).

As for Asian men, they’ve still got to fight against the kung-fu master, meek sadist, puny geek image we often see in the media. Anne Stuart’s book is one out of how many rom-susp novels featuring the manly-white-man-hero? The fact is, white authors–and most white people in general–don’t think about their world being practically all white because that is their reality and the reality of their readers. It’s taking them out of their comfort zone, or just even out of their daily pattern of life, to realize how white their books are, and an even stronger will to want to do anything about it.

a mixed heroine (Colombian / Lebanese). And if you recognize that ethnicity, then you must be a fan like me.

Annie, ¡Sí!

As far as writing other ethnicities–I think it would be hard to get it wrong, especially as far as blacks–because folks fail to realize there is such a variety of people termed as black.

Monica, bless you. One of my pet peeves is authors who use race as a description. Describing someone as a “black man” or a “black woman” says didly, except that the character isn’t white. Black folks aren’t all the same color, don’t all have the same features, and we don’t all even share the same culture (really. I knew this Jamaican-American girl. We looked a lot alike. Culturally, we had squat in common.).

I think the reason there are so few black man/white woman romances is because it’s such a touchy subject. Hell, my dad is black and my mom is white, and black man/white woman pairings annoy even me. And even though I’m the product of an interracial pairing, even though I’m involved in an interracial pairing, I have to admit that I instinctively feel a little insulted when I first see a hot black man with a white chick, but I never get annoyed when I see a beautiful black woman with a white guy. Hypocrite much? Yeah.

Also, white men or women who say they “just aren’t sexually attracted to black people” set off my asshole alarm, no matter how nice they are.

Our culture generally tends to assume that men date women they find physically attractive. So when a black guy dates a white woman it doesn’t matter if they’re soulmates, our first response might be, “he thinks ‘white’ is more attractive than black.” But when I see a white, black, Asian or Latino guy with a black or brown woman, I subconsciously think, “He thinks black/brown is beautiful. What a smart man.”

So I guess what I’m saying is, it’s all about me. If a man thinks women who look like me are hot, then he’s a good guy. If he prefers women who don’t look like me, there’s obviously something wrong with him. ;o)