I was asking my sister what kind of people will watch Eat, Pray, Love this weekend and claim it changed their lives. (Probably the same people who read and saw The Notebook and wouldn’t shut up about it) I told her it was only for privileged, elitist liberals with entitlement issues and I couldn’t possibly relate, except for the “elitist liberal” part.

But Richard Lawson hits the nail right on the head. He is a GENIUS. Love him.

This movie about how some old lady decided to spend her boss’s money flitting about god knows where for a year did pretty good, I guess, but whatever. Probably a bunch of sad single women with like curly hair and glasses and stuff, all crying and eating ice cream in the theater and telling each other they’re not fat, even though they’re all fat and they all look like ninth grade English teachers. (Probably because they all are ninth grade English teachers.) And then they drive home in their shitty Toyotas and the whole house smells like cat and air freshener and it’s yogurt and some pita bread over the sink for dinner again tonight and then sitting on the couch watching taped (on VHS) episodes of Lois & Clark and the Jeremy Piven Cupid and Roswell, patting their laps wanting the cat to jump up and cuddle with them, but this cat is different, not the same as Daisy-Mins, who died last February, no this one is way more aloof and scratches sometimes, but they just wear longer sleeves at work so you don’t notice the marks. And after a while it’s maybe some tea and some cookies straight from the bag and then upstairs to sleep, the ceiling fan rattling quietly, the dim red of the alarm clock casting a strange glow on the doilied nightstand. And lying there in the quiet, they think about Julia Roberts in the movie and how she rode a bicycle clear across Bali, and they think about how faraway things feel, all the time now, more and more every day. YEAH, FUCK THEM. EXPENDABLES, AWW YEAHHHHH.

(I used to have taped episodes of Lois & Clark on VHS, I swear to God.)

And Scott Pilgrim only made 10.5 million this weekend. WHERE WERE YOU GEEKS AND HIPSTERS?!? Even my dude was like, “Um, to be honest, I’d rather watch that Mark Wahlberg and Will Ferrell movie.” YOU ARE KILLING MICHAEL CERA’S CAREER WITH YOUR AMBIVALENCE!! DON’T YOU CARE?!? (Some of you are Jesse Eisenberg fans, aren’t you?)

[via Gawker]

I can’t help it. Every time I see a Liberty Medical commercial, I just laugh and laugh and laugh*. Diabeeeetus!

*No offense to folks who suffer from the diabeetus.